i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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