He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
