dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
