Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
