You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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