K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
