I need to stop coming to work sober
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
