seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
