wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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