i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
