Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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