he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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