Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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