mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
