Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
