Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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