Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
