U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
