If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
