How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
