At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
