i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
