Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
