I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
