I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
