Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
