Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
