Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
