saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
