We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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