You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
two words...techno handjob
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
