I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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