actually, I'm a sock model
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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