so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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