Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
