i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
