Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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