I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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