im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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