I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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