if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
