i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
