He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
