My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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