I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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