Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
