It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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