even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
