just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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