By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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